Matt Owen Freelance Writer

Hi guys and ladies, and people who don’t identify as one thing or the other (I know, I know...

Talk about touching a nerve! Little did I know my appearance on Gardener’s Question Time...

Unfamiliar as I am with what the fuck is goin’ on with politics in the UK, I find myself being asked to write several hundred fuckin’ words

Everyone’s banging on and on about “when are we going to get Brexit done?” ...

People say to me “You know, David…”, and you know what, I have to stop them right there. I stop them right there and tell them to their face

Before I pay tribute to our brave cricketing comrades and their exceptional win over Australasia at Headingley Bridge, I must read out an...

“What’s Sooty like, then?” is the question I get most of the time...

Now, I was never one for bringing politics into cricket. In fact, I was dead against bringing anything into cricket, especially excitement.

As told to Matt Owen In many respects I’m what you might call a lucky geezer. I get to do what I love for a living, be it pretending to be the guvnor of a pub; hanging around with naughty geezers who like putting people’s lights out; and of course, wandering around with me hands nestled in the pockets of me Crombie, trying to look proper moody for the camera. However, every now and then something comes along to naus things right up. I was sitting at home in me drum when I get

AS TOLD TO MATT OWEN Many people (including the vicar and my handyman, Phil) have been questioning me over the last 24 hours as to what has made me come out of political retirement, and leave hit ITV5 show 'Celebrity 1940s Hopscotch House', to stand in the forthcoming European elections. The answer is simple. I have quite simply had enough of Britain being made to look a prize chump in the eyes of the rest of the World. The likes of Macron are currently sat on his over-subsid

It’s the most wonderful time of the year, they say - well not for yours truly it isn’t. Christmas is a time when everyone in their smug, liberal bubble is acting so concerned about the poor, the needy, the so-called “minorities” and their so-called “problems” they seem to forget about the real victims in our society. Yes, they appear to have forgotten the white, middle class Christians who don’t seem to be able to make themselves heard (if you discount the fact they have thei

So, it’s with great sorrow and serious sad face that I today learned of the death of great revolutionary and champion of social justice, Fidel Castro, at the tragically young age of 90. He had so much more to give. At the same time, I was also filled with great sorrow when I learned of the life of George Galloway, who’d filled his Twitter feed with snaps of himself being all matey and crawling up Fidel’s glorious backside. Sadly, Mr Castro never had the pleasure of meeting me

When we look back at 2016, it will go down in history as the year in which all the so-called “experts” who write books and have qualifications coming out of their ears were finally proved wrong. The Guardian-reading, Ken Loach box set-owning elite sat in their metropolitan ivory towers, eating vegetarian Tofu or whatever it is they insist on calling food, have had their day - the voice of the common people has finally been heard. It all began on that fateful day in June when

In my first speech to conference as Home Secretary I wanted to leave my own personal stamp on proceedings by putting my foot down with a positive hand. I believe I achieved this goal and several other goals, of which I shall come to later when I can remember them fully. First of all I’d like to say that there’s been a lot of scaremongering following my announcement that there’s to be a crackdown on layabout scrounging foreigners who take up all the poorly-paid, 70-hour-a-week

Well I don’t know – what is a girl to do? You go out of your way to help your fellow overweight, working class man (or woman – they’re even worse – especially the awful ones who wear leggings and pick their grandchildren up from the school gates dressed in onesies) by pointing out on Twitter that what they're eating is going to put them in hospital - and not a nice private one with an a la carte menu and a daytime Botox clinic. Oh no, it'll be one of those ghastly places with