• Matt Owen

Andrew Neil’s Wokerati Woes

As told to Matt Owen

As a former BBC political presenter, Sunday Times editor and winner of Rear of The Year, 1973, I feel it my duty to share with you some of my thoughts. Some of these thoughts you will like, and some you won’t like. As opposed to the majority of flunkeys who work in the woke media, I don’t pull my punches and I’m not afraid to give it to you straight. Giving it to people straight is my trademark - that and not suffering fools gladly. What’s my other trademark? Oh yes, not pulling my punches. No, I’ve had that one already.

I’ve always been my own man – a maverick, a loner, the Shane of political journalism. I’ve never bowed or scraped to anyone or been anyone’s dog. Not even when Rupert Murdoch wasn’t telling me what to put in his, sorry, my newspaper all those years ago. No siree, Bob – I’m my own man.

I like to call a spade a spade, a fork a fork, and a hoe a hoe. Never let it be said that I’m afraid to call a garden implement a garden implement, even though one of the wokerati would probably misconstrue it – not so much the fork, but the hoe, and the spade. I shoot from the hip and upset people sometimes. Not just any people – powerful people, people who you simply don’t mess with: the military-industrial LGBTQI community; paramilitary luvvies, not to mention @BigDave1 on Twitter who keeps Tweeting that picture which always appears in Private Eye Magazine. To be honest with you, that joke ceased being funny the moment I didn’t find it funny, which was the moment it was published.

Not that I haven’t got a keen sense of humour. I’m a huge fan of the brilliant jokes Dan Wootton WhatsApps me on a daily basis, especially that list of “women driver” gags. Absolutely brilliant. I’m also really into this new wave of right-wing political satire. People have had enough of the tired “Don’t you really hate it when Boris Johnson burns the country to the ground on a daily basis” stuff. There are now a series of gifted right-wing comics who come up with brilliant material such as this zinger “What’s the deal with Captain Hindsight, then?” Most amusing, I think you’ll agree.

No doubt everyone is aware that the ground-breaking GB News is due to be launched to an expectant world, very soon. It’ll be the biggest political media event since Michael Portillo had an allergic reaction to Len McCluskey live on This Week and had to be hospitalised. Nasty business – Michael’s red trousers still lie abandoned in an Acton dry cleaners.

But I digress. GB News is what I like to call the “Common Sense Channel”, or “The People’s Channel”. Or at least “The People Who Can Bothered To Tune In Channel”. We’ll be taking current affairs by the scruff of the neck, giving it a jolly good shake, and occasionally we’ll smack it about the cheeks (not the bum cheeks, that would be improper, and I don’t condone it). No doubt, some do-gooder will read this and say, “It’s wrong to hit a young news channel”, to which I say nonsense, it’s my news channel and I’ll ruddy well do what I like with it. Because that’s the way we roll at GB News.

I’m aiming to recruit some of the nation’s top broadcasting talent – Julia Hartley-Brewer and Nick Ferrari are just two of the people I’m counting on to put me in touch with some of that talent. The two names I’ve just mentioned are similarly fed up with the media being dominated by woke voices. Long have we campaigned that the MSM is strangling free speech in this country. Nick, Julia and myself have said as much on our radio programmes, TV shows, and newspaper columns - not forgetting our Twitter accounts, over the last few years.

We’ve had enough of politically correct media luvvies living in an elitist bubble being given a platform by the PC overlords at the BBC. We intend to revolutionise things and give politically incorrect media luvvies who live in elitist bubbles a platform. Not only because it provides balance, but it provides a pension plan for Quentin Letts, whose work dried up catastrophically as a result of his This Week showreel.

My first guest on my GB News show will be someone who’s an absolute shocker of a human being, with horrendous views about anything and everything you care to mention. We haven’t finalised who this will be yet, but we also plan to invite someone else on who’s an even bigger shithouse, just to add some kind of balance.

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